Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Trading, Giving Away, and Throwing Out

I am the opposite of a hoarder. I hate seeing things around...things left, things right, things up, things down. So, I fight myself to keep hold of momentos, gifts, and so on.

After working at my current job for a year, my supervisor encouraged me to bring things in to keep on my desk so people understood that I wasn't intending on being a professional nomad. Four years later I still have pretty much the same lot of desk tchochkies, but added a few other decorations. I look at my desk and think it is messy. It's not messy. It's very clean actually, but simply having things out of drawers gives me the heeby jeebies. I look around at other work spaces and they are filled with my employee's personal effects, so I understand this is normal behavior and I keep up my collection of visual distractions for that reason alone.

At home, I have no troubles accumulating clothes, purses, books, and kitchen accessories...anything else usually ends up getting donated or tossed out when the stir crazies whirl and fizz inside of me. Sometimes I even use the excuse that I lost something simply because I want to get rid of it. Pathetic, I know. I just don't want anything else to find a place for, clean, or hide away. Some things I cannot part with and for those things I have two round boxes. They aren't round for any symbolic reason, although I'm sure I could make one up if pressed, they are just two round boxes I received as gifts growing up and they stand the test of time. Inside are precious memories, small physical reminders of the past.

And I never take them out to look at them.

Because my past is pleasantly curled up in the corners of my mind.

Maybe one day, if I lose my marbles, I'll find them again by looking in my round boxes.

Until then they are pushed underneath the bed and my cat hides behind them.