Today, the hurt of another mirrored the grief I caused my loved ones as an ignorant child. I remembered my own desire to make a connection; a true connection to anything, anyone. Something to make my heart feel validated its desire to burn a path in this world. What I didn't know was "that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart [are] only evil continually." (Genesis 3:6). My foolish and weak will gave into the urges of my heart and grieved those who only wished to guard the very heart that thudded angrily, restlessly, rebellious against the walls of my chest. And to witness, through a mother's tears, the thrashing of another child of God, spirit-girl in in the skin of her life, against a heart gone wild ...I want to tell her that those connections, those people you think will fill you with a sense of familiarity, purpose, soul symmetry, are just a shell of what could really be for you. It is not something that can be whispered, or even shouted on the dirt of this earth. A view of His truth can only be revealved by a pain broken by His LOVE, a shattering to shards, the glass that you see the world from behind. Without God's love you live restricted, thinking that you see quite clearly, but your arm oustretched can only touch the face of the world before you and with Him, they grasp at nothingness. That is why the longing inside - your vessel will never feel quite full enough without clinging, unashamed of your need for salvation. Your desperation and determination to claim Him and in doing so understand your His own claim on you, has the power to change the person you think you are into the person He has made you to be.
And so where words fail and people fail, and only God heals, we fall to our knees and do the only thing worth doing - PRAY. On our knees and without ceasing. Even as our fingers run accross keyboards and cutting boards in the acts of service we know as life, we pray in your name.
Amen.
I just had to make the hardest decision of my life. To tell my 19 year old daughter to go out into a world she is so unprepared for and make her own way. Since 14 she has been so attracted to the drug, tatoo, piercing type of people because in her mind they are free and I am the enemy with my rules etc. I have gone through 6 months of rehab with her (nights a week), supported her schooling etc. I am a single parent, who became a Christian 14 years ago so they have been in church most of their lives. My heart is so broken but I have to let her see that her so called "friends" will never be there for her like she thinks.
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